i will never give up. when i close my eyes and envision the man i will marry one day, its always you. it always has been you. im sorry that i needed so much time to figure that out on my own. im not the kind of person who really listens to anyone (even tho maybe i should start...), i have to figure things out on my own. im not sure what exactly it was that made it click, but there was a variety of things that happened that made me see exactly what was going on around me. i wish i could take it all back, but i cant. the only thing i can tell you, is that i know this will make us stronger, because i really am in this for good. and i know its like we talked about where you have to take everything with a grain of salt, bc you have heard it before. i was 23 when i met you, i had so much to learn still. and i still do. but graduating, and having a real job and watching my parents get divorced and so many other things have taught me so much about myself. i really wasnt as good to you as i could have been, especially towards the end, and im sorry. if you give me a chance, i will show you what it should have been like all along. im sorry nathan. please forgive me, i will never let you go.

vegas, tomorrow, and i would marry you. fly to florida and we will go to the courthouse and i will marry you. anywhere, any time and i will. i want you to see my comittment to you, and how serious i am. i dont want anyone else- just you. please?

If you asked me to marry you tomorrow... I'd say yes.



I love you.

I have  so many things on my mind right now.  I do not feel like myself... I have a lot of inner turmoil going on right now.... There are some things that I need to sort out in myself.  I am so in love with you... the time we spent together was so special to me.  I wish I could be around you all the time.  

I feel like I am falling away from the girl you fell in love with... although I am not meaning to.  Just all the physical things... I haven't been at the gym as much as I like to be, my skin (and how much nothing is really working very well), I am just feeling incredibly ugly.  I know you tell me I am beautiful every day... and I love you for it.  And I also know that you don't just think I am beautiful because of physical beauty... but I am having issues within myself that have been upsetting me.  There is nothing that you have done wrong, there is nothing that you can do to help me through them, apart from being the wonderful boyfriend that you are, and be supportive.

I have decided to make major changes in my life.  I do want to cut back on drinking.  A LOT.  And I say that all the time and I can never go through with it and personally, it's bullshit.  I know I can do it.  I do not need it.  Why is because all of the people I associate with drink I feel I have to all the time?  Just because they do doesn't mean I have to... and I'm tired of waking up hung over and fighting my way through the entire day.  It's bullshit.  I want to to change my habits of drinking.... why does every activity in Orlando involve drinking?  Its a poor excuse for becoming an alcoholic.  I'm over it.  I don't need it.  I mean it.

I am going to start losing weight again.  I lost so much weight... made SO much progress, hit my plateau and gave up.  I won't stand for it.  I'm going to start hitting the gym 5 days a week again.  No more slipping in my diet.  No more soda.  No more eating out.  I need to get serious and I haven't been.  I feel better when I work out... it makes me feel good and currently I feel terrible.  I feel lazy.  I feel like shit.  I know I am the only person who can change it.

I am easily slipping into being lazy again and NOT doing what  I am supposed to do.  I have things I need to get done... and I have goals I want to reach.  I just get discouraged because it seems like sometimes everything is so far out of reach.

I just want to change.  A lot of the habits I have started forming are bad and I want to get back to being productive.  It makes me feel good at the end of the day.

I am just going through some changes within myself and it is difficult for me to change.  It is difficult for anyone to change.  But its time to be a grown up and get things done.  BUT I love you... more than anything else.  You make me the happiest girl in the whole world... I could never be without you.  I love you.


I just want your support, and to know that you love me :-)

I hope that no one ever wakes me up.  Today I received a package from Nathan.  He is so romantic... and sweet... and thoughtful.  He puts so much thought into everything that he does, and it means so much.  I do the same in everything I do as well, so it means so much to me because I know that its truly from the heart.  I never thought I would meet someone like him.  He is truly in love with me... and I have never been able to say that before.  Little, cute, thoughtful, romantic things.... that you only do when you are really in love.  Oh Nath.... what have you done to me!!  I love you so much.  Its so sad that I had actually become accepting of the way i had been treated in the past.  I've never been someones 'shinning star', or the 'light of their life' or how about 'the most important thing in their life'.  Not ever.  I could burst at this very moment.  I am so in love.  Please don't ever let me go.  I am hopeless at this point and so very far gone... I am more in love than I have ever been!  You are the love that I was searching for.  You give me the love that I have only dreamt of in the past.  Honestly, I had lost faith in love.  I just thought it would never happen the way I dreamed it did.  I had been heartbroken so many times in the past.  You are so right- I have a big heart.  I really fall hard when I do.  I just..... for once in my life!.... am at a loss for words.  You could take away everything in my life... as long as I could be with you, I would be okay.  I never knew how much of me was missing, until I met you.  You make me feel things that I have never felt before.  I have never said this before, but I need you.  I could never go through another day without you.  I hope I make you as happy as you make me.  You are the light of my life too!  The reason I breathe.... you have just become my everything.  I could write a million words on a million pages of how deeply I love you, and it wouldn't even scratch the surface of how much I truly do.  My Prince Charming, love of my life, soul mate, best friend.... you are everything that everyone has never been and never will be.  I love you so much.... forever & ever & ever.




The princess searched high and low for her prince, until one fateful day she finally met him.  He came and swept her off her feet, and loved her in ways she never thought possible.  They married, grew old together and lived happily ever after.


Thank you for giving me a real love story... and most importantly, a real love.  I could never imagine my life without you.... I love you.

I know you had a super long and exhausting day, but remember that I love you and its only 8 more days!  Yey!

Tonight.... I guess did not go as planned. It's like I said, every day cannot be perfect. Sometimes there is a rainy day.... but baby, a little rain will never scare me away. I mean every word I say to you... I wish I could pick up and leave today- I would come, and never look back. You are the only thing I need in my life. There is no one who understands me the way you do... there is no one who makes me smile the way you do... no one who makes me feel they way you do, and no one else ever will. You are my one and only, I love you today, tomorrow and forever. I love you on sunny days, rainy days, good times, bad times... I love you no matter what happens. The worst could happen, and I promise you, I will be by your side. I promise to never leave. Love is not a word I use lightly... its not something I say just to say. Love is something that I feel in my heart. It's the connection we have. It's how absolutely perfect we are for each other. I could never put into words how I feel when I am around you. Please don't ever think I will go... how could I? I would be trying to live without my heart, because you have it. I am yours forever. I am never going anywhere. I PROMISE to never leave. You are the love of my life. You are the reason I get up and do all of the things that I do everyday- it brings me one day closer to you. Everything in my life doesn't matter without you. What good is life if you have no one to share it with? You are my everything- my heart, my soul, my world. Please don't every doubt how much I truly, madly, really love you baby...

I am not like everyone else. You should know that by now. Nathan, I love you with everything that I have to give. I love you... more than you know. No one loves you more than me, and no one ever will. I am yours forever baby- all in. I would leave tonight... just say the words and I'll be there by tomorrow afternoon. SERIOUSLY.

For those of us who wear necklaces ( I wear mine everyday!) it is said that whenever the clasp touches the charm on your necklace, that someone is thinking about you. Well... I've worn necklaces for YEARS and it really only happens every once and a while, but with the one I wear now (from Nathan) it happens almost every day, which only leads me to believe that it's him that's thinking about me all the time :-) Yey! I love him <3

I am soooooo super busy these last two weeks!!  So much homework to do tonight, but Nath, you are ALWAYS on my mind.  You are my soul mate!!  i love you!!

Love you forever & ever & ever,
Wifey :-)



(and ever & ever!)